Why do we have them?
My life has two awesome girls, who I gave birth to. They are their individual self, that's what I wanted them to be. Have their own personalities, not be dependent on anyone but themselves.
My elder one is all grown up in her late 20's and has a life of her own. The younger one is still in her teens and is also growing up to be an independent woman. I should be happy, I wanted them this way, but, I'm not.
Somewhere along the line I feel I have made mistakes in their upbringing. I have tried to be their friend while being their mother, tried to keep up with the trends, the music, their friends during their growing up phase, but I have not been able to keep up with their expectations.
The elder one has a lot of bitterness against me, she doesn't voice them, but its felt. I've tried to be a mother that I felt was good for them, but in the process I have taken a lot of rap from my husband, which they've seen growing up. The elder one cannot find someone that she can love, sad isn't it? As a partner I have been a failure and that has rubbed off on my child and in turn I am now a failure as a mother too.
The younger one is at an impressionable age and unfortunately I am setting her on the same path, I still take the shit that is sent my way and wallowing in self pity, yet I am unable to do anything about it because I am not geared up to take care of myself.
I have these dreams for them and hope they become better human beings than I ever will be.
My life has two awesome girls, who I gave birth to. They are their individual self, that's what I wanted them to be. Have their own personalities, not be dependent on anyone but themselves.
My elder one is all grown up in her late 20's and has a life of her own. The younger one is still in her teens and is also growing up to be an independent woman. I should be happy, I wanted them this way, but, I'm not.
Somewhere along the line I feel I have made mistakes in their upbringing. I have tried to be their friend while being their mother, tried to keep up with the trends, the music, their friends during their growing up phase, but I have not been able to keep up with their expectations.
The elder one has a lot of bitterness against me, she doesn't voice them, but its felt. I've tried to be a mother that I felt was good for them, but in the process I have taken a lot of rap from my husband, which they've seen growing up. The elder one cannot find someone that she can love, sad isn't it? As a partner I have been a failure and that has rubbed off on my child and in turn I am now a failure as a mother too.
The younger one is at an impressionable age and unfortunately I am setting her on the same path, I still take the shit that is sent my way and wallowing in self pity, yet I am unable to do anything about it because I am not geared up to take care of myself.
I have these dreams for them and hope they become better human beings than I ever will be.
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